I volunteered to plan a booth for the first annual Harvest Festival at my son's school. I got the idea from PTO Today to do a toilet-paper toss as a booth -- gross, but kids love it. Another mom wanted to do a "gooey/gross toss" with Knox Blox. We combined the idea. A certain dad snickered that maybe the Jell-o blocks should be brown and yellow. Blithely, I mixed them up with leftover orange juice, chocolate pudding, and—er, why not?—a can of corn. My third-grade son was reading Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets, and made a text-to-life connection. Now we had a literary reference! What a wonderful family/community collaboration! It was all coming together! I papered the outside of the can with cartoons photocopied from the book.
"Step right up!" I called. "Help Captain Underpants defeat the Talking Toilets!" Kids flocked to the table. "Wear underpants on your head if you want to play for free!" (Don't worry, they were right out of the package.) I let them choose what material to fling — "Wet or dry?" — the yellow stuff, the brown stuff, or the roll of toilet paper? "Kids, don't try this at home," I warned. The kids chose both options evenly, some pinching even the roll of TP with two fingers, wearing a pained look on their face; some squishing the Jell-o between their fingers with glee in their eyes.
As the sun rose higher into the heavens and this baby bacchanal progressed, however, the game got more and more gross. Sand stuck to the Jell-o when it fell on the ground. The brown stuff left skid-marks all over the toilet seat. Even the toilet paper got covered with goo. At one point I looked up to see a passerby with a look of abject horror on her face. Immigrant moms in their traditional garb stood far, far away. Suddenly I realized the shame I'd brought upon the school with my sick and twisted leadership. I smiled brightly and batted my eyelashes, unable to think of what else to do.
"Tra-la-laaa!" Welcome to Sequoia, where your kids can fling poo! If there is one thing that parents learn early, it's that s**t washes off. Besides, it's only a game.
