Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
12/30/2013
End-of-Year COBBLER Cheer
Special highlights of the SUPER-newsy end-of-year issue included an update on our bullying workshops, fun with sports and pastry, some quotes about me by my husband, and some quotes BY me in an article ABOUT me.
Then there was another great link to a Moya Stone article about The Souls of Her Feet.
And some sad and silly goodbyes to my dear friend and dog-daughter, the lovely, elegant goofball Maddie Moose Maddyson Maddog von Caven. Or however she spelled it.
A.k.a. Mad-tilda, Madison Square Garden, Madagascar, Madeline Albright Caven.
11/11/2012
5 Wishes for our Second Term
I only have five small wishes for the next four years. Okay, they're big wishes. But they're good ones that will make the country more safe, sane, and sustainable.
*(subwishes include subsidizing renewables, ratifying Kyoto protocols, and adopting 350ppm as a national security priority)
6/26/2012
A Tale of Two Schools (and Charles)
An enormous banner hangs above the freeway near my house: Keep All Our Schools Open. Nearby, tents are set up outside a school that has been slated to close. Families are staked out in grief, frustration and desperation, wishing they could stop the tide of budget cuts that have taken their toll on this town since people voted, thirty-five years ago, to pay fewer taxes.
The school district is caught in a bind. With less money for teachers, their services dropped, and parents who could left the schools. With fewer students, the money was spread too thin. To keep all schools from going under, they have to close a handful. A handful of beauties, like Lakeview School, an Art Deco gem that predates the highway that practically climbs over it.
School populations wax and wane with the generations. These sturdy and buildings have a lifespan that is often too short. Of course, schools are more than buildings; they are communities of people traveling through time together. Young teachers do their best to help the children of young families. These teachers will grow older and the students will grow up. The parents will go on to be active at other schools. Principals come and go. The building abides.
There was an old school building in Denver that met such a fate back in the 1970s. Built in 1902, Byers School saw five generations pass through its old doors, each one leaving the building marked and scarred with their passing.
In the 1980s a creative developer named Charles Nash saw something in this forgotten place and turned it into condominiums. I worked for him on my summer vacation; my whole family did. While my mother worked as his business assistant, her three teenagers swept out debris, caulked cracks, washed walls. We tore out broken linoleum and found wood floors underneath. We blistered off and sanded down a quarter inch of paint to reveal wood paneling, including some initials scratched into the wood by a penknife while waiting for the principal.
Charles designed each unit with a reverence for the history that was in his hands. He polished the wood floors back to life. He laquered the carvings in place. He left the green chalkboards exposed, with an eraser and some chalk in each tray. He recognized my artistic talents and put me in charge of giving a rescued carousel horse a makeover, for the front lobby.
Lakeview School is Occupied, capital O, a new hotspot for righteous anger at the carelessness with which the super-duper-rich make decisions that benefit themselves and leave children to the brutal tides of fate. Charles was rich, not one-percent rich, but well-off, successful, and generous. Over the years he became part of our family and was always generous with us, helping with college, with celebrations, and one summer, plane tickets to Europe. He lived elegantly, but not lavishly, his strivings toward beauty, not power.
In addition to Byers School and the dozens of old houses he renovated, Charles turned an abandoned church into homes as well (as time changes, churches are going the way of public schools), and his life's achievment was restoring a decrepit hot springs in the Rockies (and possibly haunted—my mother-in-law saw a body in the pool when she went for swimming lessons there as a child) into a gorgeous retreat and sought-after spa. He could see the potential in a place lost and unloved. He could see beauty in his mind's eye where others saw rust stains and mold. And he could call that beauty forth with a little time, effort, elbow-grease, and team building.
Typically, I would be focusing on education crisis here, but I'm filled with memories of an old friend who taught me to be a preservationist. Charles died somewhat tragically last week, and we will miss him. My brother, who bonded to him most deeply of all, lost a father. There are thousands who see Charles' sculptures and sit by his fountains and scribble on his chalkboards and sit in the spot on their carpet where colored light comes through the stained glass, who will never know the person who saw them doing so long before they did.
I wish the world had a thousand Charleses, who could see broken spaces and hopeless cases and intervene with powerful whimsy. I wish there were someone with the imagination to see Lakeview School, and Maxwell Park School, and Lazear, Marshall, and Santa Fe... and all the schools closing across the country... as living and evolving things. I feel pain for the families of Lakeview, whose love for their community is not strong enough to keep things stable. I admire their actions, which will teach such an amazing lesson to their children, whether they succeed or fail. Life is full of change, of loss, and surprises, not all of them good.
All in all, I dream of good architecture —both material and financial—that understands this. To have good architects, you need good education, and you need a place for everything. Down the road I dream of Lakeview as a new place of learning, a community center near a restored vintage theater and a vibrant park, where people live or stay for a while in rooms with chalkboards, where people learn new things, find new strengths in themselves, and make new friends.
The school district is caught in a bind. With less money for teachers, their services dropped, and parents who could left the schools. With fewer students, the money was spread too thin. To keep all schools from going under, they have to close a handful. A handful of beauties, like Lakeview School, an Art Deco gem that predates the highway that practically climbs over it.
School populations wax and wane with the generations. These sturdy and buildings have a lifespan that is often too short. Of course, schools are more than buildings; they are communities of people traveling through time together. Young teachers do their best to help the children of young families. These teachers will grow older and the students will grow up. The parents will go on to be active at other schools. Principals come and go. The building abides.
There was an old school building in Denver that met such a fate back in the 1970s. Built in 1902, Byers School saw five generations pass through its old doors, each one leaving the building marked and scarred with their passing. In the 1980s a creative developer named Charles Nash saw something in this forgotten place and turned it into condominiums. I worked for him on my summer vacation; my whole family did. While my mother worked as his business assistant, her three teenagers swept out debris, caulked cracks, washed walls. We tore out broken linoleum and found wood floors underneath. We blistered off and sanded down a quarter inch of paint to reveal wood paneling, including some initials scratched into the wood by a penknife while waiting for the principal.
Charles designed each unit with a reverence for the history that was in his hands. He polished the wood floors back to life. He laquered the carvings in place. He left the green chalkboards exposed, with an eraser and some chalk in each tray. He recognized my artistic talents and put me in charge of giving a rescued carousel horse a makeover, for the front lobby.
Lakeview School is Occupied, capital O, a new hotspot for righteous anger at the carelessness with which the super-duper-rich make decisions that benefit themselves and leave children to the brutal tides of fate. Charles was rich, not one-percent rich, but well-off, successful, and generous. Over the years he became part of our family and was always generous with us, helping with college, with celebrations, and one summer, plane tickets to Europe. He lived elegantly, but not lavishly, his strivings toward beauty, not power.
In addition to Byers School and the dozens of old houses he renovated, Charles turned an abandoned church into homes as well (as time changes, churches are going the way of public schools), and his life's achievment was restoring a decrepit hot springs in the Rockies (and possibly haunted—my mother-in-law saw a body in the pool when she went for swimming lessons there as a child) into a gorgeous retreat and sought-after spa. He could see the potential in a place lost and unloved. He could see beauty in his mind's eye where others saw rust stains and mold. And he could call that beauty forth with a little time, effort, elbow-grease, and team building.
Typically, I would be focusing on education crisis here, but I'm filled with memories of an old friend who taught me to be a preservationist. Charles died somewhat tragically last week, and we will miss him. My brother, who bonded to him most deeply of all, lost a father. There are thousands who see Charles' sculptures and sit by his fountains and scribble on his chalkboards and sit in the spot on their carpet where colored light comes through the stained glass, who will never know the person who saw them doing so long before they did.
I wish the world had a thousand Charleses, who could see broken spaces and hopeless cases and intervene with powerful whimsy. I wish there were someone with the imagination to see Lakeview School, and Maxwell Park School, and Lazear, Marshall, and Santa Fe... and all the schools closing across the country... as living and evolving things. I feel pain for the families of Lakeview, whose love for their community is not strong enough to keep things stable. I admire their actions, which will teach such an amazing lesson to their children, whether they succeed or fail. Life is full of change, of loss, and surprises, not all of them good.
All in all, I dream of good architecture —both material and financial—that understands this. To have good architects, you need good education, and you need a place for everything. Down the road I dream of Lakeview as a new place of learning, a community center near a restored vintage theater and a vibrant park, where people live or stay for a while in rooms with chalkboards, where people learn new things, find new strengths in themselves, and make new friends.
4/23/2012
St. John's ForNever...
Awww... I didn't win the contest to update the lyrics for my alma mater. So, here's what the world missed...
(Click here to start soundtrack...)
Fight for her colors! We’ll raise them to the sky!
Each loyal son pledges you his heart and hand;
For her united, we as brothers stand.
here's my new version:
St. John’s forever! Your wisdom through us flows.
Bless your sons and daughters with knowledge that grows.
Johnnies eternally discussing love and law
For her united, we fight for ta kala! *
At convocation our odyssey begins
And with each page’s turning the mind of Man opens
The logos of freedom to seek reality.
Dialogues and elements our only rivalry.
As we continue our journey of the mind
Through discourses and amalgests, a greater truth we find.
Our nature strives toward beauty through sonnets, songs, and art:
The eidos of creation within the human heart.
Through fables, treatises, pensées, we feel the years fly by
Critiques, essays, principia our knowledge amplify
Contracts, novels, theories fill our precious days
Declarations, constitutions, operas, preludes, plays.
Speeches, fragments, poems, phenomenology;
Thoughts of great minds forming our own philosophy.
Past war and peace and quantum leaps, our epic journey ends,
And we become liberis, your books our cherished friends.
Now we have walked with giants, yet for all we’ve learned,
Endings are beginnings; for knowledge we still yearn.
Not content with laurels, the examined life’s our goal.
St. John’s eternal! The mater of my soul.
St. John’s forever! Your wisdom through us flows.
Bless your sons and daughters with knowledge that grows.
Johnnies eternally discussing love and law
For her united, we fight for ta kala! *
© 2012 Kristen Baumgardner Caven
*Alt: We read and waltz and play croquet and fight for ta kala!
(Click here to start soundtrack...)
here's the old version:
St. John’s forever; her fame shall never die.Fight for her colors! We’ll raise them to the sky!
Each loyal son pledges you his heart and hand;
For her united, we as brothers stand.
here's my new version:
St. John’s forever! Your wisdom through us flows.
Bless your sons and daughters with knowledge that grows.
Johnnies eternally discussing love and law
For her united, we fight for ta kala! *
At convocation our odyssey begins
And with each page’s turning the mind of Man opens
The logos of freedom to seek reality.
Dialogues and elements our only rivalry.
As we continue our journey of the mind
Through discourses and amalgests, a greater truth we find.
Our nature strives toward beauty through sonnets, songs, and art:
The eidos of creation within the human heart.
Through fables, treatises, pensées, we feel the years fly by
Critiques, essays, principia our knowledge amplify
Contracts, novels, theories fill our precious days
Declarations, constitutions, operas, preludes, plays.
Speeches, fragments, poems, phenomenology;
Thoughts of great minds forming our own philosophy.
Past war and peace and quantum leaps, our epic journey ends,
And we become liberis, your books our cherished friends.
Now we have walked with giants, yet for all we’ve learned,
Endings are beginnings; for knowledge we still yearn.
Not content with laurels, the examined life’s our goal.
St. John’s eternal! The mater of my soul.
St. John’s forever! Your wisdom through us flows.
Bless your sons and daughters with knowledge that grows.
Johnnies eternally discussing love and law
For her united, we fight for ta kala! *
© 2012 Kristen Baumgardner Caven
*Alt: We read and waltz and play croquet and fight for ta kala!
12/07/2011
Pumped up Kicks
Good morning, KFOG.
I tried to call in during the song that woke me up this morning, but there was no answer.
"All the other kids better run, better run... faster than my bullet."
This is an upbeat song about a kid shooting other kids. I like the catchy tune, but the song is morally twisted, and not in a good way; it's sociopathic and horrible. There is no frame of reference for the evil sentiment. The songwriter said he was 'exploring the mind of a young killer,' but it sounds more like he's glorifying it. At least with A Clockwork Orange there was some framing of the sentiment of cheerful violence, and a resolution at the end. (And songs like Jeremy, I Don't Like Mondays, etc. at least reflect an authentic emotional tone.) This song says, "it's okay and fun to kill other people! I like it!" It feels like the normalization of a phenomenon that destroys the fabric of American lives over and over again.
On the plus side, a comment made on the YouTube video did tip off Phoenix police that a 14-year-old was inspired by this song, and his rampage was prevented.
I'm a big fan of whimsy, even serious whimsy, but this song really upsets me, and I always turn off the radio when I hear it. But I like KFOG, especially in the mornings, and figured it would be worth the trouble to ask: Could you please not play it anymore? The tune gets stuck in my head for hours, and I hate myself. Maybe ask your other listeners what they think.
Thanks,
Kristen Caven
Oakland parent
I tried to call in during the song that woke me up this morning, but there was no answer.
"All the other kids better run, better run... faster than my bullet."
This is an upbeat song about a kid shooting other kids. I like the catchy tune, but the song is morally twisted, and not in a good way; it's sociopathic and horrible. There is no frame of reference for the evil sentiment. The songwriter said he was 'exploring the mind of a young killer,' but it sounds more like he's glorifying it. At least with A Clockwork Orange there was some framing of the sentiment of cheerful violence, and a resolution at the end. (And songs like Jeremy, I Don't Like Mondays, etc. at least reflect an authentic emotional tone.) This song says, "it's okay and fun to kill other people! I like it!" It feels like the normalization of a phenomenon that destroys the fabric of American lives over and over again.
On the plus side, a comment made on the YouTube video did tip off Phoenix police that a 14-year-old was inspired by this song, and his rampage was prevented.
I'm a big fan of whimsy, even serious whimsy, but this song really upsets me, and I always turn off the radio when I hear it. But I like KFOG, especially in the mornings, and figured it would be worth the trouble to ask: Could you please not play it anymore? The tune gets stuck in my head for hours, and I hate myself. Maybe ask your other listeners what they think.
Thanks,
Kristen Caven
Oakland parent
10/24/2011
YES on #Occupy!
Here's my Letter to the Editor on 10/21... (read all of them here).
Like individuals, banks and corporations must take responsibility for their mistakes and failures. Like individuals, they need to contribute taxes to the greater good and do their part to keep our schools, hospitals, and roads open.Unlike other recent political movements -- funded by the superrich to serve their own political interests (Google 'tea party funding') -- the Occupy Wall Street (which is everywhere) movement unifies many grass roots movements under a common banner of economic justice.
Our popularly-elected president is powerless to turn the tide of corruption alone. The 1 percent uses its financial savvy to exploit loopholes for their own benefit. They throw their wealth behind politicians who glorify ignorance and block measures that would help the people. They hire the best PR firms to help spread fear-based propaganda and Orwellian doublespeak to the mindless media, keeping Americans bickering about the news instead of working together to help ourselves. Why? To protect their bottom line.
Mathematically, the 99 percent cannot all be on the left. We are the growing poor, the diminishing middle class, and yes, even the well-off and wealthy.
We are the exhausted "thousand points of light" who have been shoring up the system since trickle-down economics began. Our personal freedoms, our personal finances, our human rights, our cities, our schools, our environment, and all species are all in trouble -- and to occupy is to say, "enough!"
3/25/2011
Modest Proposal #217
California spends an average of $47,000 per year on its prison inmates,[1] and about $9,000 per year on public school students.[2] Meanwhile, over 30% of California's students do not graduate from high school. Dropouts from the class of 2008 will cost California almost $42.1 billion in lost taxable wages over their lifetime.[3] Poverty is a factor in both dropout rates and crime rates in every state in America. [4]
Around the world, governments are fighting poverty by literally paying parents to send their children to school. In one Mexican community, parents are paid the equivalent of $30 each month their child has perfect attendance, and $145 if their child completes high school. Social welfare? Maybe. A mechanism to end poverty? Absolutely. Not having to keep children out of school to work or to care for their siblings, parents can support them, instead, to become educated and better their lives. These structures are designed to end poverty in one generation.[5]
Here is a modest proposal, not nearly as clever as Swift's, but not as cruel, either: Let's release anyone from prison who can prove they have a family that will welcome them back. Give that family some training and structure, and reward them with cash prizes for keeping their inmate out of trouble and on the right track. Find a new way for the inmate to pay their debt through restorative justice. For the cost of one year in prison, a family could turn around to the point they could start giving back. Spend the cost of the next year on that family to reward them for getting their kids to school on a regular basis to become literate, competent problem-solvers. And then funnel the budget for the rest of that prisoner's term back into schools.
See what that does to solve three problems at once: crime, dropouts, and poverty. See how that translates, in the future, to a better economy. See how that translates to stronger families, a safer society.
And just think of the reality TV it could spawn!
Around the world, governments are fighting poverty by literally paying parents to send their children to school. In one Mexican community, parents are paid the equivalent of $30 each month their child has perfect attendance, and $145 if their child completes high school. Social welfare? Maybe. A mechanism to end poverty? Absolutely. Not having to keep children out of school to work or to care for their siblings, parents can support them, instead, to become educated and better their lives. These structures are designed to end poverty in one generation.[5]
Here is a modest proposal, not nearly as clever as Swift's, but not as cruel, either: Let's release anyone from prison who can prove they have a family that will welcome them back. Give that family some training and structure, and reward them with cash prizes for keeping their inmate out of trouble and on the right track. Find a new way for the inmate to pay their debt through restorative justice. For the cost of one year in prison, a family could turn around to the point they could start giving back. Spend the cost of the next year on that family to reward them for getting their kids to school on a regular basis to become literate, competent problem-solvers. And then funnel the budget for the rest of that prisoner's term back into schools.
See what that does to solve three problems at once: crime, dropouts, and poverty. See how that translates, in the future, to a better economy. See how that translates to stronger families, a safer society.
And just think of the reality TV it could spawn!
1/20/2009
Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead
At 9:01 PST, I was sitting in a crowded auditorium full of enthusiastic urban middle-schoolers. The teachers and students had managed to project live feed of the day's events onto a large screen, but all the traffic had crashed the school district's servers, so everyone had to squint to focus on the two old-fashioned (rabbit-ears) televisions that flanked the stage. A giant boom-box broadcasted the NPR feed into the room, but there was a seven-second delay so the sound never matched the pictures. The stage was piled with red, white, and blue balloons, and streamers decorated the giant screen, which showed a slideshow of the Obamas some teacher had thoughtfully created as "plan B."
A voice on the radio, interrupting the lovely musical tribute, mentioned that President Bush's term was officially over, even though inauguration proceedings were behind schedule. The adults near the TV burst into cheers, which soon took over the whole room. Moments before, Joe Biden had been sworn in, and I had naughtily cupped my hands and shouted "No More Cheney!" Moments later, Obama takes the oath of office, and the custodian is out of her chair, dancing like we all feel like dancing. When he says, "pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off..." I am thinking about Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers. Before the day is over I will have started a booster club to manage all the volunteers that will soon pour into this school (hopefully).
The principal (scary lady) gets up to tell the students what a significant day this is, and invites them to write a note to send to the president. She tells them about their special history-class assignment to write down all their impressions of the day, which will be collected, copied, laminated, and sent home for them to stick under their mattresses for the rest of their lives. When she announces that second period has been cancelled, the crowd really goes wild. That's even better news, for them, than a new clear-headed, idealistic, and--did anyone notice?--African American president. When she tells them they still have to go to third period, the boos and hand gestures of the mini-mob scene are even louder.
We've come a long way, America... but we've still got a long way to go.
A voice on the radio, interrupting the lovely musical tribute, mentioned that President Bush's term was officially over, even though inauguration proceedings were behind schedule. The adults near the TV burst into cheers, which soon took over the whole room. Moments before, Joe Biden had been sworn in, and I had naughtily cupped my hands and shouted "No More Cheney!" Moments later, Obama takes the oath of office, and the custodian is out of her chair, dancing like we all feel like dancing. When he says, "pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off..." I am thinking about Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers. Before the day is over I will have started a booster club to manage all the volunteers that will soon pour into this school (hopefully).
The principal (scary lady) gets up to tell the students what a significant day this is, and invites them to write a note to send to the president. She tells them about their special history-class assignment to write down all their impressions of the day, which will be collected, copied, laminated, and sent home for them to stick under their mattresses for the rest of their lives. When she announces that second period has been cancelled, the crowd really goes wild. That's even better news, for them, than a new clear-headed, idealistic, and--did anyone notice?--African American president. When she tells them they still have to go to third period, the boos and hand gestures of the mini-mob scene are even louder.
We've come a long way, America... but we've still got a long way to go.
9/01/2008
Back to School?
A small serving of stories from my life; guaranteed moist and fruity, with layers of luscious links for your browsing pleasure.
Back to School? Special!
Moms everywhere share a curious reverse-whiplash when school starts and the house empties out. As the sudden silence settles over our “support staff” routines, feelings swing from relief at our regained freedom...to keen loneliness. Partners of teachers must feel the same way at the end summer break. So I get it double. I've filled the vaccum with the company of my computer, adding madly to my blog, Linkedin profile, and Facebook network; I’ve cleaned a few closets and thought a lot about food. What is it about fall? This time of year I dream about pumpkins and yams. I cook stinky cheese dinners with romantic ideas about harvest gatherings. Read More...2/26/2008
Positive Vision for Schools
On the list of things I am proud of:
Helping Oakland School Teachers with their vision for a truly great public school system. At a time when teachers are being asked to produce miracles with less and less support, I am impressed that the union has switched from a defensive and pugnacious stance to a clear, positive vision of what is proven to work. I wish them ALL the success in the world, because that means success for the kids, too.
Helping Oakland School Teachers with their vision for a truly great public school system. At a time when teachers are being asked to produce miracles with less and less support, I am impressed that the union has switched from a defensive and pugnacious stance to a clear, positive vision of what is proven to work. I wish them ALL the success in the world, because that means success for the kids, too.
10/30/2006
Our Poop-Throwing Fundraiser
Just last weekend, I invented the MOST disgusting use of Jell-o, EVER. And the kids loved it.
I volunteered to plan a booth for the first annual Harvest Festival at my son's school. I got the idea from PTO Today to do a toilet-paper toss as a booth -- gross, but kids love it. Another mom wanted to do a "gooey/gross toss" with Knox Blox. We combined the idea. A certain dad snickered that maybe the Jell-o blocks should be brown and yellow. Blithely, I mixed them up with leftover orange juice, chocolate pudding, and—er, why not?—a can of corn. My third-grade son was reading Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets, and made a text-to-life connection. Now we had a literary reference! What a wonderful family/community collaboration! It was all coming together! I papered the outside of the can with cartoons photocopied from the book.
"Step right up!" I called. "Help Captain Underpants defeat the Talking Toilets!" Kids flocked to the table. "Wear underpants on your head if you want to play for free!" (Don't worry, they were right out of the package.) I let them choose what material to fling — "Wet or dry?" — the yellow stuff, the brown stuff, or the roll of toilet paper? "Kids, don't try this at home," I warned. The kids chose both options evenly, some pinching even the roll of TP with two fingers, wearing a pained look on their face; some squishing the Jell-o between their fingers with glee in their eyes.
As the sun rose higher into the heavens and this baby bacchanal progressed, however, the game got more and more gross. Sand stuck to the Jell-o when it fell on the ground. The brown stuff left skid-marks all over the toilet seat. Even the toilet paper got covered with goo. At one point I looked up to see a passerby with a look of abject horror on her face. Immigrant moms in their traditional garb stood far, far away. Suddenly I realized the shame I'd brought upon the school with my sick and twisted leadership. I smiled brightly and batted my eyelashes, unable to think of what else to do.
"Tra-la-laaa!" Welcome to Sequoia, where your kids can fling poo! If there is one thing that parents learn early, it's that s**t washes off. Besides, it's only a game.
I volunteered to plan a booth for the first annual Harvest Festival at my son's school. I got the idea from PTO Today to do a toilet-paper toss as a booth -- gross, but kids love it. Another mom wanted to do a "gooey/gross toss" with Knox Blox. We combined the idea. A certain dad snickered that maybe the Jell-o blocks should be brown and yellow. Blithely, I mixed them up with leftover orange juice, chocolate pudding, and—er, why not?—a can of corn. My third-grade son was reading Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets, and made a text-to-life connection. Now we had a literary reference! What a wonderful family/community collaboration! It was all coming together! I papered the outside of the can with cartoons photocopied from the book.
"Step right up!" I called. "Help Captain Underpants defeat the Talking Toilets!" Kids flocked to the table. "Wear underpants on your head if you want to play for free!" (Don't worry, they were right out of the package.) I let them choose what material to fling — "Wet or dry?" — the yellow stuff, the brown stuff, or the roll of toilet paper? "Kids, don't try this at home," I warned. The kids chose both options evenly, some pinching even the roll of TP with two fingers, wearing a pained look on their face; some squishing the Jell-o between their fingers with glee in their eyes.
As the sun rose higher into the heavens and this baby bacchanal progressed, however, the game got more and more gross. Sand stuck to the Jell-o when it fell on the ground. The brown stuff left skid-marks all over the toilet seat. Even the toilet paper got covered with goo. At one point I looked up to see a passerby with a look of abject horror on her face. Immigrant moms in their traditional garb stood far, far away. Suddenly I realized the shame I'd brought upon the school with my sick and twisted leadership. I smiled brightly and batted my eyelashes, unable to think of what else to do.
"Tra-la-laaa!" Welcome to Sequoia, where your kids can fling poo! If there is one thing that parents learn early, it's that s**t washes off. Besides, it's only a game.
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